Giving birth, or, Is it the pregnancy or the baby you want?

I am 32 weeks pregnant with my second child, which for me is basically starting over again, since my older daughter is almost 6 and I wasn't planning to have any other kids. I remember very little from her pregnancy, and my focus for her was to have her, to have a baby. This time, I don't work, I wasn't planning for another baby, and I in general feel differently about a lot of different aspects about life and family, which have given me a lot of time and interest in what is going on during the pregnancy itself. The time is going so fast with this one, and with my first it went soooo slowly and I never thought the day would come that I would meet her; with this one, I am of course excited to meet her, but I so hope that she makes it the full 40 weeks inside of me and that I can be brave and have much closer to a natural birth. I also plan to breastfeed this time, whereas last time I did not think that was really a viable option with work and the sort of job I had. I didn't want to put to much stress on myself, and I don't regret my decision because times changes and as long as you reevaluate as circumstances change you can't feel bad about what you are doing.

Anyway, I watched The Business of Being Born this morning, and I thought I would be weirded out by the whole home-birth thing, but I can really see why people would choose that route. Hospitals can be so stressful and especially now, healthcare and health insurance has become such a nightmare that it is hard to keep it out of the direct patient relationship, which is a tragedy. Why can't that pain be kept at the administrative level? Even the doctors admit they tend to be quick to recommend C-section even though it may not be absolutely necessary. I wouldn't want to have one unless there really is no other option, and I absolutely hope that it won't come to that for me. It's not a bad thing, it's just not necessary. That there is even such a thing as planning an early pull to mitigate stretch marks is kind of sad...this is a lifestyle, motherhood, not one thing that happens and then is over. Go with the flow. Do a little homework. I still have so much homework to do, so I am not even trying to claim that I know anything. I have just noticed that a lot of things I thought I had a handle on, I really was just ignoring a lot of information I wasn't ready to process.